


okay, but i double dare you

by peraltiagoisland



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: M/M, but its actually never said in the fic, not even a little, some deetress in this, the title sounds like its a line of dialogue in this fic, this is the truth or dare fic!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-10-14 00:03:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17497853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peraltiagoisland/pseuds/peraltiagoisland
Summary: The Gang likes to dabble in a little Truth Or Dare when they get drunk. Sometimes, someone dares Mac and Dennis to kiss.





	okay, but i double dare you

2019.

 

It starts as simply as anything can start; with the spinning of a bottle.

There’s something about owning and operating a bar, as well as having severe alcoholism enabling them to constantly drink from their own stock, that makes this happen so easily.

“Alright, truth or dare?”

None of them ever see it coming. No one knows who’s going to get the urge that day, no one knows if they’re going to get the urge themselves. No one knows if they’ll get drunk enough to think it’s a good idea.

It all comes down to what one decides to do when one gets to the end of their bottle.

To spin, or not to spin? That is the question. It is believed that the great Trilliam Dakespeare once said such wise words. And no, this dude was not a pussy who wrote shitty plays that are hard to understand. You see, legend says that he probably invented the game. And for that, we exalt thee.

The bottle lands pointing at Mac. Dee, who spun the bottle, smiles.

“So what is it, Mac?”

The gang gets real extreme when they play truth or dare, and Mac knows that picking dare without a care isn’t a snare and makes you a bear.

And Mac ain’t no twink.

“I pick dare, Dee.”

He’s a badass.

 

* * *

 

1999.

 

“Oh come on,” Mac groans as the bottle points right at him. “Dee, how fucking old are you?”

“Shut up. Either pick truth, dare, or admit you’re a pansy who’s too scared to play,” Dee says with a raise of her eyebrow.

Mac groans. Neither Dennis nor Charlie is coming to his defense. When he glances at Dennis, he gives him a particularly specific look that’s concentrated in his eyes. Oh right. Dee just got out of the institution. That she got put in for burning her roommate. Which she had to drop out of college for.

“Fine, you bitch,” he sighs. Just this once he’ll be nice to her. “I pick truth.”

She rubs her hands together. He can still see faint burns on her palms.

“Ooh, I got a good one. You... ever made out with a dude?”

Dennis and Charlie have to literally hold him back when he lunges at Dee, attempting to claw her, hurt her, who knows, for suggesting such a slanderous thing.

 

* * *

 

2019.

 

“I dare you... to show us your dance.”

Mac shifts uncomfortably when she says this. Frank looks a little uncomfortable too, and shakes his head at Dee.

“Why... why would you wanna see that?”

“Oh, come on, you ditched the parade, you went to this prison with Frank, and then all I know is that you showed the dance to a bunch of prisoners and your dad. I’ve never seen the dance. None of us have. Except Frank, obviously.”

“I mean,” Mac scratches the back of his neck. “It’s kind of a partner dance, and my partner isn’t here, so–“

“Aw shit dude, now I wanna see it,” pipes up Charlie. “I mean, what is that dance, man? ‘Cause at first I thought it was some uh, sexy gay thing, but then when Frank got home he wouldn’t stop crying for like, hours.”

“Hours?”

“Hours, dude!”

“Sorry about that, Frank.”

“Well,” Dennis starts, “I’m not sure I want to cry today, actually. Certainly not for several hours.” He looks at Mac. “Maybe you don’t have to show us _that_ dance. I mean, Dee did say that she wanted you to show us your dance. One person can have multiple dance routines locked and loaded, right?”

Mac finally smiles. “Yes! I like that, I’m doing that. Dee?”

“Fine,” she relents. “Permission to have my dare misconstrued granted. Drink up, boners.”

“Here, here!”

They clink their respective beer bottles and take a swig. Oh, yeah, you’re probably confused. The gang doesn’t play truth or dare the way most people do, as you’re soon to find out. They tack on a lot of their own rules and change the game to suit their wants. As they do with most games. So if you want to misinterpret someone’s dare, they have to give you permission to deviate from their original intention, and everyone has to drink.

And say ‘here, here!’ before they do it.

They like to have fun.

“So what’s the catch?” Mac asks as he gets up in front of them. Yes, forgot to mention, but when you choose to misinterpret the dare, you also give everyone in the room permission to shout out a new condition, a new part of the dare. The first person to make a pitch gets to have their idea featured.

“Dude, strip dance!”

The entire gang turns in confusion to the group of what seems like college kids at the corner booth. They’re a mixed group of men and women, but all of them seem very interested in having Mac strip.

“Oh, shut up, kid,” scolds Dennis. “This doesn’t involve any of you.”

“Yeah, I don’t want Mac taking off his clothes in the bar,” continues Dee, “or anywhere else for that matter.”

“I mean... but they did say a thing first,” implores Charlie. “So like... that’s the rule and all that. I don’t wanna see Mac take off his clothes as much as the rest of you, but rules are like... rules man.”

“Let’s just play him some music, let him dance around, and then we don’t look,” suggests Frank, making his way to the jukebox.

“Oh yeah, I’m not gonna look,” Dee says, downing her beer. “Plus we gotta set some ground rules.”

“Yeah, dude, don’t get like all weird with it. No taking your underwear off or anything,” Charlie warns. “If you do that I’m leaving.”

“Yeah, me too,” agrees Dennis, who’s staring intently at Mac.

“Dude, I don’t even _want_ to take my pants off, especially not in front of these kids.”

“We’re all perfectly legal!”

He puts his hand up in their direction. “Not making this any less weird.”

The music starts playing, and it’s some upbeat—oh. It’s literally the music that Dennis danced to when he was a stripper.

Mac does a pop and lock, some fake karate moves, and through these moves somehow manages to reach for the hem of his shirt. He slowly starts slipping it up, revealing his chiseled abdominal muscles (or, abs, if you’re not feeling fancy), before suddenly and swiftly whipping his shirt off.

 

* * *

 

1999.

 

“Fine, no, I haven’t,” Mac says nervously, after the heat dies down, “because I’m straight, okay? I don’t go around doing queer shit.”

Dennis gives him a warning look, but Mac ignores it. He further ignores the way Dee’s eyes glaze over. He spins the bottle. It lands on Charlie.

“Truth or dare, dude?”

“Dare,” Charlie says without thinking, finishing his beer.

“I dare you to eat a piece of cheese from that platter outside,” Mac says, because they’re in Dennis and Dee’s home, and their mom’s having a party downstairs. Dee isn’t allowed out because guests are over and according to her mother she brings shame to the whole family. Dennis is allowed to mingle, but here he is anyway. Here they all are in Dennis’ room, because it’s bigger than Dee’s.

“What? Dude, that’s just weird. I don’t eat raw cheese, man.”

“Raw cheese?” Dennis makes a face. “How is that a thing? Cheese is just cheese.”

“Nah, dude. Charlie only ever eats cheese if it’s like, cooked. Like on pizza, or like uh, spaghetti.”

“Okay,” says Dee, barely understanding this. “But Charlie, Parmesan cheese is raw, by your definition. Like you literally just sprinkle it on top of pasta.”

“Yeah, but the heat from the spaghetti _cooks_ the cheese, Dee, it cooks the cheese,” Charlie explains heatedly, shaking his head like she’s the fool.

“Whatever. You picked dare,” says Mac. “Go get that cheese. Bring back a piece and eat it in front of us.”

Charlie groans. “Fine! But if I throw up because of how gross the raw cheese is, that’s on you–“ he says as he leaves.

“Then we’ll get you a bin to puke in!” Mac calls after Charlie.

“Dude, you sure it’s a good idea to dare him to eat raw cheese? I mean, cheese, not raw cheese,” Dennis sighs. “Shit. Now he’s got me doing it.”

Mac shrugs, waving Dennis’ concerns off. “Nah. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen?”

 

* * *

 

2019.

 

“Dude, I know I said I didn’t want you to take your clothes off and all, but you’re like, so good at stripping man,” Charlie comments, after everyone’s clapped for Mac’s strip dance. 

“Thanks, bro,” Mac says, walking around to pick up his clothes.

“Oh, yeah, you could be, like, a great stripper and all that.”

“He probably just picked that stuff up from the gay strippers at the gay bars he goes to,” comments Dee, who was the least amused by the dance. She didn’t find it sexy in the slightest, but she has to admit Mac did pull off some impressive moves she didn’t expect.

“Shut up, Dee,” Mac retorts as he puts his clothes back on. “I mean, you’re right, but shut up.”

“Yeah,” Dennis says in a strained voice, looking very tense, and sat in a very strange angle. “Mac, spin the bottle.”

“Yeah, coming,” Mac says, walking over and spinning the empty beer. He spins it so hard it falls off the bar and crashes to the floor.

“Goddamn it, Mac, stop showing off,” Dee groans, picking up another bottle which Mac spins gently this time. It lands on Dee. “Oh shit.”

“Hah! Truth or dare, bitch?”

“Truth. I’m not interested in doing whatever messed up shit you’ve come up with.” She says, smiling as Mac deflates slightly.

He thinks over this for a bit, then raises both his eyebrows. “You ever banged a chick?”

 

* * *

 

1999.

 

When Charlie comes back, he takes far too long and he’s empty-handed.

“Dude, what the hell?”

“Where’s the cheese?”

“Don’t tell me you chickened out, man.”

Charlie shakes his head at the accusations. “Nah, I didn’t chicken out man, you’re all out of cheese.”

“Out of cheese?” Dennis says skeptically. “There was a whole platter of the stuff, no one ever finishes the cheese at these parties.”

“Yeah, I know dude, the cheese is out because I finished it.”

“You what?”

“I ate it all,” Charlie admits, looking slightly... off. There’s something very deranged about his energy right now. “I ate all the cheese. So there’s no more.”

“Why would you eat _all_ the cheese? You were supposed to bring one piece here and eat it in front of us. One!”

“Oh, I think he’s lying,” points out Dee. “He’s _pretending_ all the cheese is gone so he won’t have to eat it.”

“No, I’m being serious here!” Charlie protests. “I was trying little nibbles of all the cheese to see which one was like, the least gross and shit, but all of it was so good so I had to keep trying.”

“I don’t buy it,” Mac shakes his head, looking at Dennis. “Do you?”

“I’m more worried about the fact that Charlie actually has finished all the cheese and there’s no more left for the guests. Charlie, please tell me no one saw you.”

“Nah, man, I went to the empty room. That’s the only one with cheese, I looked in all the rooms. Can’t find any more.” Charlie shrugs, and he’s very fidgety. “I don’t mind eating more cheese dude, you just gotta tell me where it is!”

Dennis sighs. “There’s some in the fridge. Ask the–“

Charlie rushes out the door before Dennis can finish his sentence.

 

* * *

 

2019.

 

“Oh wow.”

Dee gives Mac a glare, and he returns her with a knowing look. The rest look curious because of this very exchange, but they’re definitely not interested in the matter the way that straight men usually are in women having sex with each other.

They care because Mac seems to know something and Dee seems to be hiding it. Also, Dee is gross and they’d rather not think about who and what she’s banging.

“Mac,” she says, “are you seriously asking that question?”

“Yeah. It’s a yes or no question, Dee.”

“Well, I don’t want to answer it.”

“Why not? Look, Dee, no one gives a shit about who you’re banging,” says Dennis. “It’s gonna get boring as hell if you drag this one out.”

“Oh!” Mac points at her. “It’s someone we know, isn’t it?”

“Shit, Dee, now you’re starting to make me care about this,” Charlie complains. “Who’d you bang?”

“You can’t ask that, ‘cause Mac already asked a question when he spun the bottle–“ she points out defensively–“so I can’t answer that.”

“God, who cares? Yes, or no, Dee?”

“Fine, yes, you happy?”

“Yeah, honestly, that was kind of obvious already,” Dennis remarks. “From the way you were acting. If you refuse to talk about something, it usually means you’re doing the thing. Basic psychology.”

Dee rolls her eyes. “Shut up, asshole,” she spins the bottle, horrified when it lands on her again. “No!”

“Hah!” Charlie says in a mocking voice. “Who’d you sleep with?”

In their version of truth or dare, when you spin the bottle and it lands on yourself, it means you have to answer a question truthfully or complete a dare issued by—every single person in the game. Excluding yourself, of course.

And what Charlie just did was exercise Dealer’s Choice. Basically, first one to ask a question (or issue a dare) gets the right to _force_ a truth question or a dare on the person in the hot seat (Dee in this case). Ergo, everyone else will have to ask Dee to pick between truth or dare, except Charlie. Whose question Dee has to answer right now.

Dee covers her face with a sigh. “Charlie, please, trust me, you don’t wanna know who it is.”

“Why not? Who the hell did you bang, exactly?”

“Oh,” Dennis raises his eyebrow. “Based on how badly Dee doesn’t want Charlie to–“

“Dennis, could you _shut up_ for once? Just, for once in your goddamn life?” Dee says, nearly seething. She takes a deep breath. “I... slept with The Waitress.”

“What?!” Charlie exclaims, in complete shock and disbelief. The rest of them don’t seem to be very bothered by this fact because they could mostly tell. “Dee, gross! You know The Waitress is my thing–“

“Your thing?!” she hits back just as hard, taking offense. “Okay, look, I know you were obsessed with The Waitress for years, but you dated her and it didn’t work out! If it makes you feel better, I, I only slept with her after you did?”

“That does not make it better, Dee, that just makes this weirder!”

“Goddamn it, Dee,” says Mac. “You really slept with the chick we’ve all banged? That’s a weird way for your lesbian to jump out.”

“Oh, shut up,” Dee retorts. “You only did hand stuff with her.”

“No, I _almost_ did hand stuff with her, but we didn’t end up doing that because I found out Charlie didn’t betray me and also, well, she’s gross.”

“Mac, you think all women are gross.”

“Dee, you banged a chick your dad and brother have both banged!”

“Frank’s not my dad!” she argues.

“Oh, and Dennis isn’t your brother?”

“That’s beside the point!” Now Dennis actually does look a little bit disgusted. “I read,” Dee explains, “I looked it up and our body basically replaces every cell like, every seven years. Dennis banged The Waitress over ten years ago, so it’s, it’s basically like I touched a different woman.”

“Can we please stop talking about this?” Charlie implores with his hands clasped together. “I want us to talk about, literally anything else please.”

Dennis nods readily. “Yeah. Dee, Truth or Dare?”

 

* * *

 

1999.

 

“Who are you and what are you doin’ in my kitchen, kid?”

Charlie turns around, eyes wide looking scandalized as he comes face to face with Dennis and Dee’s dad. “Uh... just gettin’ some cheese, bro.”

“Bro?” He raises his eyebrows. “Huh. Why do I like that?”

“Uh... ‘cause you’re... a super cool dude?”

He smiles. He must like being called dude too. “Why are you stealing my cheese?”

“UH... THE CHEESE–“

He burps, awkward and uncomfortable as he blurts his senseless words. The short man laughs.

“Fake out! I don’t care. Take all the cheese. It’s just my wife’s stupid whore party for her stupid whore friends.” He grabs the entire platter of cheese from the fridge and hands it to Charlie, who is fresh out of words. Although, it’s not like he had much to say throughout this entire interaction. “Go nuts.”

 

* * *

 

2019.

 

“Oh.”

The Waitress’ bottom lip trembles at the sight of Dee.

“Hey. One large uh... low fat green... oh jesus. Just get me a large vegan juice thing. He probably won’t even know the difference.”

She scoffs. “That’s it?”

“Yeah, just the one drink.”

The Waitress rolls her eyes. “You bitch.”

“What the hell was that for?” Dee hands her a handful of bills as she enters the total. Vegan shit is pricey as hell. Dee knows Dennis barely drinks the stuff these days, but well, a dare’s a dare. “I’ll have you know I’m a paying customer.”

“You never called me,” she says pointedly.

“Well, you never called me!”

The Waitress, her eyes, they soften for a moment. “Wait, I–“

“Look, just give me the drink and I’ll be on my way, okay? I don’t want to think about what happened that night, as much as–“

Someone slams Dee’s order on the counter next to them, and the sound stops her short.

“As much as what, Dee?”

Dee snatches the drink and turns away. “Nothing. Forget I said anything, I’m busy.”

She walks away.

“I should’ve known you’d be the same.”

Dee ignores the cold feeling that washes over her when she hears that. She carries on walking.

 

* * *

 

1999.

 

“Oh my god,” Charlie’s heart drops when he walks back into the room. “What’s going on with Dee?”

Her face is blotchy and her eyes are red. She’s sat in the corner and Mac and Dennis are mostly ignoring her state. What could’ve possibly happened when he left to get cheese?

“My mom came in earlier,” fills in Dennis. He doesn’t seem too happy about this fact. “She told Dee she should move out as soon as possible because she’s useless and a burden who’s only brought shame to the family.”

“Yeah,” Mac says, confirming this. “I did not like being here for that.”

“Oh shit,” Charlie says, setting the cheese platter down. “You okay, Dee?”

“Shut the fuck up, Charlie, it’s none of your business,” she says guardedly, voice choked up.

“Jeez, fine, fine. God, you’re such a bitch.” He turns to Dennis. “Did your mom tell you to get out too?”

Mac and Dennis shake their heads.

“But I think I want to. Move out, that is,” says Dennis. “I mean, whether she wants me out or not, I fucking hate it here. I want my own space.”

“You think I should move out too?” asks Mac.

“I mean. Your mom tells you to get out constantly, so,” Charlie says with a shrug, “maybe think about it, man.”

Dee stands back up. “I’m going back to my room.”

No one responds to that for a good moment.

“Hey, Dee, you want some cheese?” Charlie asks at the last second. “Your dad gave me like, all of it.”

 

* * *

 

2019.

 

“Here’s your fucking veggie juice, dick,” Dee curses as she dumps it on the table.

“Jesus Christ, Dee,” Dennis looks on cautiously. “Do I have to _dare_ you to show some manners around here?”

“Don’t start right now,” she sighs. “The Waitress works at the juice bar.”

“Oh.”

“So what?”

“I don’t think things ended well between them,” Dennis whispers to Mac.

“Like any of her relationships have ended well,” Mac says, and Dee gives him a warning look.

“Shut up, Mac. Plus, we never had a relationship. It was a one time thing.”

“Again, that’s pretty much what all your–“ he sighs–“okay fine, Dee. You wanna move on? Let’s move on. Truth or dare?”

“Uh... dare.”

“Okay. I dare you to talk through your feelings about The Waitress so you feel better.”

“Huh?”

Mac bursts out laughing and so do the rest after realizing what he’s just done. “Just kidding, you bitch. I don’t care about your feelings—I dare you to get me a beer.”

In a way... Dee knows that’s Mac’s way of comforting her, letting her off the hook by giving her an easy dare. It’s not like she wanted to talk about her feelings anyway. Secretly, she’s grateful and happy to open up a beer for the guy.

“Deandra, get me a beer too,” says Frank. “That’s my dare.”

Dee groans when she looks around. “That was our last one!”

“So stock the fridge up and get me something else.”

She rolls her eyes as she dumps soda in a glass with a bit of vodka.

“Screw you, Frank.”

“A dare’s a dare, bitch!”

 

* * *

 

1999.

 

“Hey,” Dennis says, his eyes soft and droopy. “Move in with me." 

“Hm?” Mac jolts up with a start, he’s been drifting in and out at this point, drained god knows how many beers, and somewhere along the way Charlie fucked off (to... Mac doesn’t know, could be home, could be to Dee’s room, either way, he took the cheese platter with him, not that he cares though), and now it’s just him and Dennis.

“I said,” Dennis stares at Mac now, and his gaze is something that elicits this reaction Mac sometimes gets around Dennis. Maybe it’s the look, maybe it’s the way it makes him feel. Maybe it’s Dennis, and this is how he makes everyone feel when he looks at them like this. “Move in with me, you bitch.”

“Oh, uh,” Mac swallows, nodding, “right.” He looks away from Dennis, takes one glance at him to make it seem like he’s making constant eye contact, and then looks away again. Staring at Dennis is hard sometimes. And other times, it feels like the only thing in the world to do. “My credit’s wrecked to shit though.”

“Hm. Don’t care,” Dennis’ hand is running through Mac’s curls now, and he holds a breath he’s not sure how to keep. Mac feels himself tense up, but not in a way where he wants Dennis to stop. “Your hair’s a mess, dude.”

“Maybe I’ll gel it down someday.”

“Didn’t say it was bad.” Dennis gives him a warning look. “Don’t gel it down.”

Mac nods. “Okay.” He’s going to gel it down.

“No, I swear... it looks good.” Absentmindedly, Dennis licks his lips, and Mac is drunk, and Dennis is drunk, so his judgement might be impaired, but Dennis, and the way he looks at him in the pale moonlight, it’s sexy. Yeah. Mac’s man enough to admit that. “You know what else looks good?”

“What?”

“You. You, you’re good.”

Mac nods. His heart is pounding. Dennis is a thunderstorm trying to find ground, and Mac is a barren wasteland in need of him. Yet, he’s not quite sure he wants Dennis to take hold.

There is a moment where Mac feels himself lean in almost instinctively, but then something deep inside panics and drags him back, he looks away, he begins drafting up excuses to leave, even though he had intended to sleep over tonight.

Dennis senses this, and then his hands are on Mac’s shoulders, holding them down, pulling Mac back to him, and then giving them a squeeze for good measure. “Hey. Hey—let’s play truth or dare again. Okay?”

Mac is still tense. “With two people? How’s that fun?”

“Oh, trust me,” Dennis chuckles as he spins the bottle. “It’s so much more fun than you could ever imagine.”

The bottle lands on Mac.

“Oh. Shit, okay.”

“Truth or dare, Mac?”

Dennis is stretching, like none of this even matters to him, probably, because Mac is likely the only one with a premonition that something absolutely bad and wrong is about to happen.

“Dare,” says Mac, only because he instinctively feels apprehensive about truth due to earlier events he would rather not discuss.

“Okay,” Dennis smiles, as if this had been the response he’d been looking for. But why? “I dare you to kiss me.”

Oh. That’s why.

 

* * *

 

2019.

 

Dee sighs tiredly as she spins the bottle. Maybe she shouldn’t have agreed to play this game. Who the hell suggested truth or dare anyway? Restocking the beers had been such a bitch, and she had to drink god knows how many to smooth over the process, and of course none of the others gave two shits about helping her.

The only good thing to come out of all this is the bottle pointing straight at Mac.

“Hah!” Dee claps her hands, even though the bottle pointing at anyone but herself would have brought her reprieve. “Truth or dare, asshole?”

Mac maintains some sort of front. “Dee, I always go dare.”

“Right,” Dee smiles, because he’s just set up her perfect trap. “Always dare, huh?”

Mac looks apprehensive at this. “Not sure I like the sound of that though, might fuck around and change my answer to–“

“I dare you to kiss Dennis.”

 

* * *

 

1999.

 

“Woah woah woah,” Mac blurts out, very nervous, backing away from a Dennis who won’t give chase for some reason. “Dude. Dennis. I’m not gay.”

“And neither am I,” says Dennis.

“Dude? You just asked me to kiss you.”

“It’s a dare dude. Has nothing to do with whether I wanna kiss you or not. Has nothing to do with being gay.”

All of a sudden, Mac relaxes. “Oh. Really?”

“Yes, really.”

 

* * *

 

2019.

 

“Jesus Dee,” Dennis sighs harshly, rolling his eyes. “What is _wrong_ with you?”

“Yeah,” Charlie laughs. “What are we, like, in grade school?”

“When did grade school get this gay?” remarks Frank, drinking a cold beer now.

“Works if it’s gay grade school.”

“Gay grade school? Like you learn how to be gay?”

“You idiots are only proving my point,” says Dennis. “This is stupid, Dee.”

“I mean,” continues Charlie, “I still think you should do it.”

“Woah!” Dennis exclaims, feeling incredibly betrayed. “What the hell, Charlie?”

“I’m sorry!” he throws back, just as loud. “Dare’s a dare, dude! Dare’s a dare!”

“Well, it’s a stupid dare, Charlie! This is all so, so completely juvenile. I can’t stand it. I won’t stand for it.”

“Still a dare,” Charlie shrugs, and Dennis feels almost feverish.

“Oh Jesus Christ–“

“Just pucker up, Dennis,” Dee says as she pours out some shots. It is unclear who they’re for. Dennis might have to steal all of them if he goes through with this. “This could be over in seconds. Right Mac?”

“What?” He looks up suddenly, clearly having zoned out this whole time. “Oh, yeah, sure, whatever.”

“Well of course he’s fine with all this,” scoffs Dennis. “The dude’s dying to kiss me.”

“Dude, what? Shut up,” says Mac.

“Someone’s got an ego,” Dee says almost at the same time, raising her eyebrows at Dennis in a way that suggests she finds his claim embarrassing.

“Oh, what, don’t act like I’m wrong,” Dennis says to Mac, choosing to ignore Dee.

“Uh, what makes it seem like I want to kiss you?”

Dennis’ hand lands down on the bar in disbelief. “You’re really asking that question? Mac, you’ve tried to kiss me on several occasions.”

“Alright, fine, you made–“ he sighs–“I guess you have a point there.”

“Of course I do, Mac.”

“But... who cares?”

“Who—what?”

“Who _cares_ , dude,” Mac emphasizes. “It’s just a kiss. I don’t care. At least, not anymore, and like, I’m here, dude. It’s just you who has to get man enough to kiss me.”

Dennis ignores Mac’s feeble jabs at his masculinity.

“Mac... I am not _kissing_ you.”

 

* * *

 

1999.

 

“Wow,” Mac exhales breathless as he goes back for more. They’re making out now, and it’s because Dennis dared him to, so it’s totally awesome and not at all gay. Because it’s a _dare_ , and if you don’t do what someone dared you to do, you’re a loser, and that’s what’s truly gay.

So, really, when you think about it, Mac is being _really_ straight right now.

“Mm,” Dennis moans and Mac feels it on his tongue. Dennis tastes of beer and good dreams. His lips are soft but he kisses rough to make up for it, even if he doesn’t need to. Kissing Dennis is like heaven, so when you think about it, it’s very Catholic of Mac to be making out with him too. Straight and Catholic. The perfect combination.

Is he aware that they’ve been making out longer than a normal dare would permit? Yes, but Dennis hasn’t pulled away, and Mac knows that Dennis is super straight and gets all the ladies, so if Dennis thinks it’s okay to keep kissing, then Mac thinks so too. Besides, Mac isn’t sure he’s ready to stop.

“You feeling okay?” Dennis asks, taking an inadvertent break from it all, and Mac nods his head up and down, and he keeps leaning in, trying to get the kissing started up again. “Good.”

Dennis’ hand slides down to Mac’s crotch and grazes his clothed cock. The contact sends shocks through Mac, and he whimpers, hot and hard. “Dennis–“

“Yeah, baby?”

“You sure this is still straight?”

“Oh yeah, bro,” Dennis says, in a patronizing voice that Mac doesn’t know to recognize yet, fingers slowly pulling down Mac’s zipper. “This feels good, right?”

“So good,” he pants, gripping on tight to Dennis’ shoulder, essentially pining him down as he continues to undo Mac’s slacks. “Is this a, a part of the dare?”

“No, but it doesn’t matter.”

“Really?”

“You see, Mac, what I’m about to do right now is jerk you off, and that’s pretty much the same as you jerking yourself off, except it’ll feel better for you. Is it gay when you jerk yourself off?”

Mac shakes his head. “No, no it’s not, because tons of straight guys do it.”

Dennis smirks. “Exactly. So do you want me to keep touching you?”

“Oh, please–“ he falls apart again when Dennis drags his briefs down and away from his painful erection. He lets out a cry when Dennis gives it a stroke.

“Tell me you like this,” says Dennis, sitting up straight (just as straight as this activity is) and alert as he pumps his cock, his fist loose and strong.

“I really, I like this, Den,” he heaves, “god help me I love this.” He shuts his eyes. “Shit, dude, you’re really good at this.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“You must be uh, be really good at jerking yourself off,” Mac remarks, his hand now slipping under Dennis’ shirt, and it’s mostly not on purpose, but his hand wants to travel up, feel his skin. “God, I want this like, every day, dude.”

“Good thing we’ll be living together then.”

Dennis spits on his hand and continues jerking Mac off, but now it’s smoother and faster and Dennis grips tighter and Mac is a mess as he begs Dennis, so much more incoherently this time, for god knows what, and before he knows it he’s coming in his hand and Dennis kisses Mac to stop him from screaming the house down.

“Oh shit,” Mac collapses, panting next to Dennis, sat up on his bed with his head lousy dazed against his wall.

“You ruined my shirt,” Dennis frowns as he inspects the stain. “How am I supposed to get this clean?”

Mac exhales through pouted lips as Dennis continues to glare at him, demanding that he offer a solution. A form of reparation for his crimes. “Oof. Uh... I’ll jerk you off?”

“Deal.”

 

* * *

 

2019.

 

“I mean... you have to kiss him at some point,” says Dee, after... essentially ten minutes have gone by. Mostly in silence. She finishes her beer and opens another one. “We don’t have all night.”

“Well... I mean, we have stayed here all night before, so–“ Charlie shrugs–“but she’s right, dude. You gotta kiss Mac. She like, dared you man. And a dare’s a dare.”

“Dennis, are you really that afraid of being gay that you’d–“

“Dee, shut up,” Dennis scoffs. Not loud enough to make any of them take note, but it’s still a tiny outburst. “Just because you decided to become a full-on lesbian doesn’t mean you have to drag the rest of us down with you.”

“Woah, where the hell is this coming from?” Dee laughs nervously. “I’m not a lesbian–“

“Dee, you banged The Waitress–“

“Uh, so?” She scoffs. “I banged her like, once, that doesn’t make me a lesbian.”

“Sure,” Charlie says, eye wide, patronizing her.

“Don’t patronize me! I’m not a lesbian!”

“Fine, whatever, you’re not a lesbian!” Charlie screeches. “No one cares, Dee! The thing here now is, Mac and Dennis have to kiss, or we can’t move on with the game–“

“Then we won’t move on with the game!” Dennis yells, angrily tossing his empty beer at the wall, where it shatters on the way down.

“What the fuck was that?”

“Yeah, now Charlie’s gonna have to clean all that up–“

“Uh uh!” Charlie cuts in. “No, Frank, I’m not clearing that. Dennis can sweep up his own mess.”

“Okay, seriously now, I think you’re really overreacting to this,” says Dee.

“Yeah, just give him a quick peck on the cheek an’ you can go throw up.”

“Hey!” Mac says, taking offense at Frank’s words.

“Oh, gimme a break,” Frank says, finishing his drink and flinging it at the wall, where it smashes right over Dennis’ mess.

“Frank, what the hell?”

“What? Dennis was cleaning that up anyway.”

“Not anymore,” says Dennis. “I’m no longer fully responsible for that.”

“See, Frank?” Charlie groans. “You just screwed me!”

“Charlie, I pay your rent and your paycheck. Clean that up by tomorrow.”

He sighs. “Fine,” relents, too. “But you can’t use that for at least another month.”

Frank just shrugs.

“Seriously though, Dennis, can you hurry up and kiss the man?” Charlie continues. “I’m getting bored as shit here because of your gay fears and all that–“

“It’s not because I’m scared of being _gay_ , Charlie, Jesus Christ,” Dennis huffs.

“So what is it?”

“He hates me,” Mac remarks so casually, sipping his beer like it doesn’t even matter. Everyone is shocked to hear this coming from the man himself, especially without any levity whatsoever.

“Oh, come on Mac–“ Dennis starts off in denial–“I mean... yeah. You know what? Yeah. But, but can you blame me?”

“Blame you?”

“I mean,” Dennis gestures to Mac. “Just, just look at yourself.”

“What? What is it?”

“Forget it,” Dennis says, dropping it immediately. “Forget I said anything, forget the dare, all of it. I’m leaving.”

He gets up, and protests sprout left and right.

“Woah, dude! We’re in the middle of truth or dare.”

“I don’t give a shit,” Dennis hisses, and then he’s out the door.

“Fine, then I’m leaving too,” says Mac in a huff, and it’s unclear whether he’s planning on catching up with Dennis or if he wants to get home on his own.

Then there’s silence. Charlie, Dee, and Frank all exchange looks.

“Truth or dare?”

Charlie spins a bottle.

“Oh yeah.”

 

* * *

 

1999.

 

“Can’t believe we’re really moving in together,” Mac notes almost dreamily. They’re lying side by side and they’ve both gotten off plenty by now, and Dennis is putting on his shirt.

“Yeah,” he says almost to cajole Mac. “It’s gonna be great. Hey, put your clothes back on if you wanna stay over. My mom could come in.”

“But I thought what we did was straight.”

Dennis rolls his eyes. “Yeah, but my mom wouldn’t be too happy to catch a girl naked in here either.”

“Oh. Right.” Mac reaches for his shirt and pulls it back on. He yawns, stretching and getting under the covers. He’s glad Dennis has a big bed that can fit the both of them. “Man, I’m tired.”

“Me too, dude,” Dennis says, drawing the blinds shut before he climbs into bed with Mac. They lie down and try to sleep.

Well, Dennis is anyway.

“Hey, Dennis?”

“What?”

“How long do you think we’ll live together?”

Dennis rolls over, looking at Mac. “I don’t know. Until... until one of us gets married, maybe.”

Mac nods. That’s a good enough answer for him, apparently. “So... if neither of us get married, we’ll just keep living together?”

“Suppose so.”

“Promise.”

“Promise what?”

Mac draws small circles into Dennis’ arm. It makes him sleepier somehow. “That you’ll never move out or anything. Unless you get married. That we’ll keep living together.”

“Okay,” Dennis nods. It’s not a hard thing to say, and it’s not like Dennis has big plans to be roommates with anyone else anyway. “I promise.”

 

* * *

 

2019.

 

“You think I don’t know you’ve been packing?”

Mac says that the second Dennis walks through the door. Dennis had gone for a drive. Mac, well, he probably walked straight home.

“Oh. Okay, so you found my suitcases.”

“Well, no shit,” says Mac. “You don’t close your door that much unless you’re trying to hide something.”

“Oh, and you’d rather I be open about everything I do like you, with that huge dildo stuck to that exercise bike?”

“Is this about the Asspounder 4000? Because, dude, if it’s messing you up this bad, I’ll just get–“

“It’s not that!” Dennis explodes, because that just sounds like such a stupid reason to hate your roommate and best friend of over twenty years, and also it’s definitely not the reason why he hates Mac so much, or why he’s so angry and frustrated most of the time.

“Then what is it?” Mac’s hand is grasping onto his face in perceived agony. “What did I do wrong?”

“I don’t...” he lets out a deep breath. “I don’t know.”

“So what? You just can’t stand me and hate me for no good reason? Or is it because I’m gay? Or is it because of something else?”

“I–“ he’s at a loss for words–“I just know it’s... time. I have to leave.”

For the first time tonight, Dennis sees Mac’s eyes water. It’s not an easy sight to witness. “Okay. Fine. I’ll... let you go.”

“You’ll let me leave? I can move out?”

Dennis forgets to quell the tone he says that with, and besides, it’s not like he needs Mac’s permission to leave anyway.

“Yeah. But you just. You gotta do this one thing first.”

“What is it?” Dennis makes sure not to sound like he would literally do anything to get to leave.

“You have to kiss me.”

If Dennis was holding onto anything, he’d drop it.

“What.”

“Yeah. Kiss me. I mean, Dee technically dared you to, and when she issued that dare, you were still living here. It’s bad luck to move out with an uncompleted dare hanging over your head.”

Dennis sneers, “there’s no way that’s true.”

Mac shrugs. “It is what it is.”

“You’re just doing this because you want me to kiss you.”

“I don’t think that matters at this point. I just wanna get it over with too—oh, and you can’t half ass it—it’s gotta be real.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Means kiss me like you mean it,” he says, eyebrow rising playfully. “You wanna move out or not?”

“Fine, yes,” Dennis moves closer to Mac. “If it’ll get me out of here, I’ll do it.”

“You sure? I mean, if you really hate the thought of kissing me so much–“

“Just shut up and come here.” He pulls Mac toward him. “Don’t blame me if I ruin you for anyone else.”

Mac rolls his eyes. “I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

Their lips lock and it’s soft and the air is quiet. Mac hums against his lips and Dennis is slow but earnest. He licks into Mac’s mouth and slides his hands up Mac’s back and they push against each other, trying to get more and more, and it’s almost, it nearly seems like a competition, like they both want to prove that they’re the better kisser.

They’re both right.

Mac backs Dennis up against a wall, his knee pushing in between his legs, and Dennis lets him. Dennis grinds into Mac and titters at the way he moans. He keeps pressing, and creating friction, making Mac cry out in ways he probably swore he wouldn’t, and Dennis coaxes it all out from him, pleads with his quivering lips and skillful tongue.

Eventually, Mac’s the one to stop it. He drags himself away from Dennis after the situation gets too outrageous, and he knows Dennis has won, somehow. It’s a great, it’s the best farewell gift he could’ve ever asked for, and maybe now he can live with Dennis leaving. Be it pain or pleasure, he’ll take them as they come. “You, you really meant it, I’ll give you that.”

“Oh, I made sure of it.”

Mac feels like he might cry. “Okay. Yeah. So I guess that’s it. Dare completed. So you can... go now. Like we said.”

Dennis pulls Mac back in and kisses him like it’ll save his life. If Dennis is drowning, Mac’s lips are dry land. He kisses Mac like it’s everything he’s ever wanted, he presses Mac against him and feels the curves and bumps of his body. His hand cups Mac’s face and his lips drink him in, he wants nothing else.

“You’re kissing me again,” Mac slurs in between sloppy, more desperate kisses. He’s trying to prompt some sort of explanation.

_“I love you,”_ Dennis murmurs, and then kisses Mac again, possibly to shut him up and put an end to whatever he might say before the man can even start.

Mac’s eyes are wide open for a long moment as he almost passively kisses Dennis, who more than makes up for it for them both. He never thought he’d... hear such a thing, actually, especially not right now, not today, and definitely not this moment.

“You... love me.”

“Just shut up and touch me,” Dennis grabs Mac’s hand and places it on his ass. Mac doesn’t move it.

“That why you hate me?”

“Maybe,” Dennis gives him a sensual peck on the neck. A smooch on his jaw. “Doesn’t matter, you’re supposed to be touching me.”

Mac palms Dennis’ crotch, slowly slides his hand over as he lets out an excruciating moan. “Oh, Mac, please–“

“I wanna touch you everywhere,” he declares, and then he starts unbuttoning Dennis’ shirt. “Okay?”

“I want you to fuck me,” he grabs Mac by the shirt and drags him to his room. “Come.”

“You sure we shouldn’t do this in my room?” Mac says, trying to signal that Dennis’ room is a little packed up.

“There’s a good enough bed and plenty of condoms in the drawer.” Mac makes a face. “Shut up. You’re wearing a condom.”

Mac crawls over Dennis, who’s already sprawled on his bed. He straddles him, grinding their hips together as Dennis searches his drawer. “Does this mean you’re not moving out anymore?”

Dennis shrugs. “That depends on how well you do.”

“Oh,” Mac laughs. “Then I’m gonna make you stay here forever.”

**Author's Note:**

> i hope u bbs like this random fic i wrote!! i weirdly like it and i hope you did too <3 
> 
> kudos n comments very much appreciated please i need feedback like dee needs to be told that she's good


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